I have been dreading this day for a while now. I really did not want to turn 30. Unfortunately the only way to NOT turn 30 is not a very desirable alternative. Very few people above 21 really want to get any older, so in that manner I am no different. Lately I have been reflecting on what turning thirty means to me and I was surprised to learn that maybe I am much cooler with this than I thought I was.
I mostly break down my life so far to before and after cancer. I was 21 when I was diagnosed and before then I focused on the plans I had for my life and what I needed to get done to achieve my dreams. These were not all that crazy and as a matter of fact, most of my peers have done the very things I wanted to do throughout their twenties which is simply go to school (or not) start a career, get married and start a family. These are the "normal" things to do. I did not aspire to be an actor or the president of the United States although I think I could do a better job than the current politicians that flood Washington. My point is that I did not want anything unreasonable. For that reason why not believe things will go just like that?
Here's why, MY PLANS do not matter. This is one of the things I did learn in my twenties. We are all here to follow Gods plan, not our own. Now, if yours just happen to fit in with Gods then they will happen too. Before my twenties I was set on my plans and these days I still plan but they are subject to change and that was a hard lesson for me to learn. I feel a huge void in my life because I do not have the things I wanted by the age of thirty and I have also learned that these things may not be a part of my life ever. Sometimes the answer to a prayer is "not yet" and sometimes it is "no" and now I understand that and have accepted it. I have learned and experienced so much in my twenties. The God that I have learned about growing up, I got to experience His peace, His love and have grown closer to Him. I see beauty in things that I could never see before. I don't worry about petty things and I cherish the things I have more than ever. I learned pain, suffering, salvation, sorrow, peace and many things in the last few years. Many of these would never have happened if my plans had taken place. Do I feel bitter? I feel that way all the time but then is when I think about Philippians 4:8-9...8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. I even have that verse on my wall in my bedroom to remind me of this daily.
So I say goodbye to my twenties as a bittersweet time. I fought for my life in you. My heart was broken in you. I finished college in you and started a career. I grew closer to God in you. Though I may be covered in battle scars and pitted in rust from you, I have defeated you and am glad to put you behind me.
Hello thirties, I sure hope you are much smoother and maybe you will fill that void I have with something. Who knows what it will be but one thing is for sure, it will be of His plan and not of mine.
