May 28th is a day for me like 9-11. Just as 9-11 changed so many peoples lives, May 28th 2002 changed mine. That is the day I went to the doctor after feeling so weak and now nauseated. I had stopped going to the gym and that was normally a daily ritual for me. I was working, and going to school both full time and suddenly even that was too much. I could not stay awake if I sat for just a few minutes. I was transported to the hospital by ambulance because my blood count was so low they would not let me drive. Once there I was stuck with a needle every few minutes to take blood tests and getting a blood transfusion when they had all their tests ran. My family arrived once they got word and we waited on the results. I was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia or AML as it is most commonly called. For the next few months I would receive chemo therapy, full body radiation and then ultimately a stem cell transplant from my sister who was a perfect match. This was the beginning of a whole new life. All the things I saw in my future were in the air. A future at all was only a 60% chance.
Obviously I won and the cancer was put in remission after treatment. We hit it hard to have the best chance to win but with any war there are casualties. I have had lots of issues since then that are a direct result of the treatments I had and the medications I have to take. I have had 3 other deadly infections that have been in my lungs and each one left scar tissue until now I have about 24% lung function and have to stay on oxygen around the clock. I had cataract surgery, a hip replacement, I now have developed diabetes due to being on prednisone long term. Daily tasks that used to come so easy are a big deal to me. I constantly deal with graph vs. host with dry eyes and mouth and other small annoyances that are simply just that, annoying.
I say that to say this, all of these storms I have been through has shown light to things I never would have slowed down to see. I have learned how to humble myself and ask for help, though I struggle with this. I have learned devastation by being told I may be dead soon. I have learned solitude in times that God felt so far away I could no longer feel Him and faith when I felt him so warmly and knew He never left. I have learned love from a family that never left my side. I learned heartache when I was denied a lung transplant. I learned peace in late night talks with God from a hospital bed. And I learned hope in from the eyes of nurses and doctors. I learned patience in their waiting rooms. I have learned perseverance by going to work and school while getting blood transfusions and treatments until graduation. I learned relativity not in physics but by not sweating the small stuff. This could go on forever. I have learned a life-time of lessons in ten years
So today I have this life with all these issues to deal with on a daily basis. Honestly there are times I have wished God had just called me home ten years ago. I would only have lived 21 years but they would have been a great 21 years but what if that happened. If you met me in the last ten yours...I would never had known you. I would never had the chance to watch my niece and nephew growing up. I would not experienced any of the great things I have experienced or accomplished. I have realized that this life is for God and not for us. Your life may not match your idea of your life. That's not to say you shouldn't plan but only that you need to jot those plans down in pencil and not in pen. I would always ask myself "why me"? and I would ask God "why I could not have just lived my life". The answer I keep getting is "You are".
