Black Friday

Friday I got the call from Duke in regards to the tests they had done the previous week and the conclusions that the board of doctors had made. I had been so optimistic up to this point but with that call came some crushing news. I am not going into specific detail simply because I don't know the specifics yet but the purpose of the call was to inform me that my liver had been damaged over the years from all that my body had been through. This meant that they would have to do both a liver and lung transplant at the same time. This is done commonly but given my medical history, Duke feels that I am too high risk for them to do this. I didn't know that my liver was even damaged but they say there is a "substantial" amount of "involvement" in the liver. Most likely from the infections and the graph versus host from the stem cell transplant from when I had Leukemia. There are several decisions I will have to make over the next few weeks. I just pray that I continue to feel led in one direction or another. I obviously very crushed by this news and honestly my spirit and heart are broken right now. I trust that I will come around as I always have. I am just so sick of this battle that has been going now for eight years this May. I don't know if this road I am on is a dead end or what but as long as I feel His peace and guidance I will continue to follow my GPS (Gods Planning System) until I arrive at my destination. Of course I feel frustrated and angry. I just saw something on TV yesterday where this guy was on death row for killing his family and all I kept thinking was "why dont this crap happen to THOSE people?" over and over. Meanwhile those of us that deserve to live have to struggle. One of the many things that don't make sense on this earth and even more reason to long for the day that we don't have live in this. So thats all for now. I will continue to keep you all updated.