The Big Three-Oh!

I have been dreading this day for a while now. I really did not want to turn 30. Unfortunately the only way to NOT turn 30 is not a very desirable alternative. Very few people above 21 really want to get any older, so in that manner I am no different. Lately I have been reflecting on what turning thirty means to me and I was surprised to learn that maybe I am much cooler with this than I thought I was.
I mostly break down my life so far to before and after cancer. I was 21 when I was diagnosed and before then I focused on the plans I had for my life and what I needed to get done to achieve my dreams. These were not all that crazy and as a matter of fact, most of my peers have done the very things I wanted to do throughout their twenties which is simply go to school (or not) start a career, get married and start a family. These are the "normal" things to do. I did not aspire to be an actor or the president of the United States although I think I could do a better job than the current  politicians that flood Washington. My point is that I did not want anything unreasonable. For that reason why not believe things will go just like that?
Here's why, MY PLANS do not matter. This is one of the things I did learn in my twenties. We are all here to follow Gods plan, not our own. Now, if yours just happen to fit in with Gods then they will happen too. Before my twenties I was set on my plans and these days I still plan but they are subject to change and that was a hard lesson for me to learn. I feel a huge void in my life because I do not have the things I wanted by the age of thirty and I have also learned that these things may not be a part of my life ever. Sometimes the answer to a prayer is "not yet" and sometimes it is "no" and now I understand that and have accepted it. I have learned and experienced so much in my twenties. The God that I have learned about growing up, I got to experience His peace, His love and have grown closer to Him. I see beauty in things that I could never see before. I don't worry about petty things and I cherish the things I have more than ever. I learned pain, suffering, salvation, sorrow, peace and many things in the last few years. Many of these would never have happened if my plans had taken place. Do I feel bitter? I feel that way all the time but then is when I think about Philippians 4:8-9...8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. I even have that verse on my wall in my bedroom to remind me of this daily.
So I say goodbye to my twenties as a bittersweet time. I fought for my life in you. My heart was broken in you. I finished college in you and started a career. I grew closer to God in you. Though I may be covered in battle scars and pitted in rust from you, I have defeated you and am glad to put you behind me.
Hello thirties, I sure hope you are much smoother and maybe you will fill that void I have with something. Who knows what it will be but one thing is for sure, it will be of His plan and not of mine.

Eight years ago I became a woman...kinda.

 ·         Thursday, August 29, 2002

            Today they had Margie in the clinic bright and early at 7:30 AM to get started. First they put in the central line in her leg to do the harvesting with. They reassured me as well as the rest of my family that she would be well medicated and wouldn’t remember a thing. I know she was scared to death. Meanwhile I was in my fifth session of radiation, but all I had my mind on was how she was doing. After I came back to the room, Dr. Molnar came to see me and fill me in on Margie’s status. I will say that he was pretty considerate and kept me informed throughout the rest of the morning. Some of my family stayed with me, and the others were with Margie. I believe she needed them more than me at this point. The stem cells they got today were of good quality and looked very good, however, they had lumps in them and would have to be filtered. During this they will loose some and would need to harvest again tomorrow. Therefore, Margie’s worst nightmare came true. She had to stay in the hospital over night.

 ·         Friday, August 30, 2002

            This is a day that is etched into my memory forever just like September 11^th 2001. This is the day my sister saved my life. Today she went through her second day of harvesting and I had radiation for the last time and they actual transplant took place in the late after noon hours. I got two units of cells. It really just looked like two bags of cambells tomato soup. At this point I had not seen my sister since Wednesday night. She had been so drugged and worn out that she was unable to come see me. I had talked to her over the phone a few times though. While the transplant was going on she had been taken back to the hotel to rest, not to mention, she had a very sore leg where the line had been put in. At this point she was all done and in a few days she would be good as new. I wish I could say the same for me, but what’s a few months when compared to the rest of your life.

How "hip" can I get?

Okay, so the title is corny...so am I. Here are the details of what has been going on for the last few weeks. For about a year and a half or two years I have gotten this sharp pain in my right hip every now and then that would hurt for a few days and go away only to return months later. In the last six months it has been doing this more and more until about three weeks ago it got worse and was not going away. It would hurt when I walked and made movements in certain directions. Then over fathers day weekend it got REALLY bad and by Monday it was hard to do any walking. I had them x ray this when I went to Winston Salem for my bi-annual checkup there. The radiologist said it looked like a condition called avascular necrosis of the hip. He said that I needed to get this looked at by an orthopedic doctor. I made an appointment for Thursday and they confirmed that this was avascular necrosis. They could see it in their x ray but also did an MRI to get a better picture.
Avascular necrosis of the hip is when the ball in the hip joint is not getting sufficient blood flow and the bone collapses over time. This is common in two groups of people, those that had a traumatic hip injury years ago and as a result do not have good blood flow there and those like me that have been on a steroid treatment for a long time. This ball has been breaking down a while and it has a layer of cartilage over it that has been making it manageable for me but most likely I have recently torn that now and this is why it has suddenly gotten worse.
The cure for this is a total hip replacement. Until that is done you can manage the pain with pain killers and get around with a cane, crutches, walker or in worse cases a scooter. I do not like any of these since I already have to tote oxygen with me. Hip replacement does not sound like a walk in the park but I wont be calling the scooter store anytime soon. However, if I did go that route, mine would have a V-Twin engine and be black with orange ghost flames. Hey, a young man in a scooter HAS to have fun somehow.
Anyway, this is something that is also in my left hip but is not near as far advanced and right now is no need to worry about. My surgery will be next Thursday July 8th so lets hope and pray for a speedy and successful recovery.

ROAD BLOCK...Gotta Take the Detour.

Friday I got a call around 1:00 from the Cleveland Clinic. It was one of their coordinators checking to make sure the information they had was correct and get a little more information from me about my history. He said that if the answer was no, then I would know something within a week and if they were gonna consider this, then I would receive a packet in the mail in two to three weeks. At 8:21 that night my phone rang and it was an strange number just like the other call but I thought "no, they would not know yet. He must have just forgot to ask something" and then I answered and sure enough it was Chris from Cleveland. He told be that he knew it was late but he promised me that he would let me know as soon as he heard something. He said that the doctors had reviewed my case and felt that this would be too much for me to recover from and that they did not think I would make it off the respirator. This meant that they did not want to take this on and that like Duke, it was too risky. So now two very successful and well know transplant centers say that it is too risky. Even if another one calls and says yes, that they would do this, I doubt I will go. I think God slamming these doors in my face is speaking loud enough. I GET IT! I HEARD YA!
I think this is the time to react. I will still dream of getting off this "anchor of life" and being free to go without having to consider "what am I going to do for oxygen" but I don't expect it. I see that this is not in the cards for me because it does not seem to be Gods plan for this life. So far His plan and my plan have been totally opposite. Mine was to finish school and move on to all those other common places "normal" people find themselves in life. Finding that someone, getting married, starting a family and finding that balance in being there for their family all while accelerating into a successful career. Sounds pretty ordinary right? Maybe a little boring to some? If you have these things, you should thank God everyday that He has put those people and things in your life. I can assure you that the common things are the most precious and we all take them for granted.
I remember the first long stay I had in the hospital was 35 days and I could see people driving past the hospital and others walking in the sun and what I wouldn't give to do either of those. I was not allowed to go outside and breath that hot July air. People that came to see me would say how great it felt in that hospital and how hot it was outside. I was always just thinking how luck they were to go out in that hot sun.
My point is that the hopes of the transplant is not going to happen. I will now reflect of what I CAN do. If I focus on what I can't do and the things that I have missed out on, I would only get depressed and angry with God once again. Sister Hazel has a song called Change Your Mind that talks about how changing your perspective can totally change who you are. Your outlook on everything and even your whole personalty. This is what I plan to do. I am on oxygen and that is not changing anytime soon, if ever. I AM NOT DEAD and if I act like I am then I might as well be dead. I have a life to live and I intend on doing just that. Just because you have a pulse doesn't mean you are alive. I plan to focus on the I CAN's and saving nothing for latter in life. I don't know how many latter's I will have and none of us do for that matter. I will continue to exercise through the pulmonary rehab program and then on my own after that. I will pray for a miracle from God every day. Hey...he's done it before and I will continue to thank him for the blessings he has given me and not on what he has taken away. Besides this is only the opening act for what is to come. I can accept that this is a part of me now. I think I should be able to learn this if Presley has. She is my 16.5 month old niece and even she knows that that oxygen tube belongs to uncle Mitchell and she picks it up to bring it to me. Now if I can just accept it that well everything will be just fine.

He Works in His Own Time

My records have been sent to Pittsburgh, PA and to Cleveland, OH and so far nothing yet but I really don't think they will contact me for another week at least. If there is anything I have learned in the last eight years is patience. Though, it seems like no matter how much I wait I still get frustrated when I wait all that time to get an answer that is not what I wanted. I heard a good point in a Brad Paisley song that said "make no mistake, every prayer you make gets answered even though sometimes the answer is no." I know that but always get angry with God. I always want to tell him how this detour for the last eight years do not fit into my plan I had for my life, then I hear a voice that says "this life is not for YOUR plan but to fulfill mine" and besides, the short time spent here on earth is nothing to an eternity with what he has promised. The bible tells us that our ways are not His ways and even though it sure don't seem like it, it all happens at the perfect time.
So for now I will wait to hear something. I continue to go to Pulmonary rehab before work on Tuesdays and Thursdays and in conjunction with those ten hour shifts I am gone from 10AM to about 12:30AM that night. Those are some tiring days. I know that the pulmonary rehab is helping with my energy because I have noticed an increase in my overall energy. It is really hard to NOT expect to do the things I used to do and who knows, one day I may be much closer to that.

Regrouping for now

Over the last couple weeks I have started pulmonary rehab. I go two days a week and exercise lightly with oxygen. I physically can do much more and would like to but my lungs cant keep up. This may help them perform a little better but will do nothing to heal them. Lung tissue is gone once it is damaged unlike many organs of the body. I am also cutting back on the prednisone slowly. As long as it is tolerated. I just started this. Also I have contacted Duke and told them to go ahead and send my records and test results to both Pittsburgh and Cleveland. These are the two places they recommended that I should try and they may actually do the transplant of the lungs and liver at the same time. I continue to pray that this is what I need to do and I feel ok about going. I feel led to pursue this somewhere else. Meanwhile, my pulmonary doctor here in Greenville is wanting me to see a liver specialist to follow up with me to see the degree of damage to my liver the treatments caused. Duke only said that there is enough to have to transplant it too and that it has been there for years and did not appear to me getting worse. I do want to know how extensive it is, if it may be able to heal itself, and what changes I need to make to help the situation. 


So no big moves for now. Just continue to do the rehab and cut back on the prednisone. I should know more in the future from the liver doctor and get some feedback from up north at those two clinics. Do you think its safe for a rebel to go under the knife in yankee territory? Ha ha. Ya know I hear they don't have sweet tea up there. Out of the surgery, recovery and no sweet tea, I think the deprivation of that cool refreshing beverage may just be the worst part. Stay tuned for more updates over the next few weeks.

Black Friday

Friday I got the call from Duke in regards to the tests they had done the previous week and the conclusions that the board of doctors had made. I had been so optimistic up to this point but with that call came some crushing news. I am not going into specific detail simply because I don't know the specifics yet but the purpose of the call was to inform me that my liver had been damaged over the years from all that my body had been through. This meant that they would have to do both a liver and lung transplant at the same time. This is done commonly but given my medical history, Duke feels that I am too high risk for them to do this. I didn't know that my liver was even damaged but they say there is a "substantial" amount of "involvement" in the liver. Most likely from the infections and the graph versus host from the stem cell transplant from when I had Leukemia. There are several decisions I will have to make over the next few weeks. I just pray that I continue to feel led in one direction or another. I obviously very crushed by this news and honestly my spirit and heart are broken right now. I trust that I will come around as I always have. I am just so sick of this battle that has been going now for eight years this May. I don't know if this road I am on is a dead end or what but as long as I feel His peace and guidance I will continue to follow my GPS (Gods Planning System) until I arrive at my destination. Of course I feel frustrated and angry. I just saw something on TV yesterday where this guy was on death row for killing his family and all I kept thinking was "why dont this crap happen to THOSE people?" over and over. Meanwhile those of us that deserve to live have to struggle. One of the many things that don't make sense on this earth and even more reason to long for the day that we don't have live in this. So thats all for now. I will continue to keep you all updated.

A bumpy road taken

This week has been a bit rougher than anticipated. The first day was long and tiring but everything went well. They had me do another full pulmonary function test. This tells them all about the performance capabilities of my lungs. Volume, how much I can blow out in one second and a couple other things. I got everywhere from 25% to 36%, which is well within transplant range. The rest of the day was a visit with the same doctor I saw on my first visit, a CT scan of the chest, abdomen, and pelvic region. They also scanned my diaphragm to make sure that it was working properly to withstand a transplant. That’s pretty much the highlights of that day. Also I might add that Dr. Snyder had a much better attitude this time after looking at all the medical records that had been sent to her from my oncology doctors in Winston Salem that have been seeing me since 2002 and did my stem-cell transplant when I had Leukemia. She laughed and said she was surprised it did not break their fax machine. Said it was very helpful information. It was 150 pages long. Hey, she said to send my records. You get what you ask for.  Ha ha.

That night I got the norovirus. Most likely picked it up in the hospital. I was running to the bathroom every 15 minutes. This could not have come at a worse time. I had a heart cath scheduled for the next morning at 7am. That night felt like it was 50 hours long. There is no worse feeling than a stomach virus. The Raleigh/Durham area had a big outbreak and there were signs all over the hospital that talked about it. Come 6am that morning I had stopped my rushing to the bathroom but was so weak and dehydrated that the heart cath was out of the question. I stayed in bed and drank Gatorade and chewed ice to start the rehydration process.

Thursday morning came and things looked much better. I had an MRI at 7am and then a kidney filtering test at 9am. This all went fine but by the time we left at 1:00pm I was worn out and had been for about an hour and a half. Still pretty weak from that bug. At least it got done though. We were able to get the heart cath that I missed rescheduled for Friday at 7am. This way we would not have to come back in a week or two just for one test. We were able to keep our hotel room for one more night and not have to move so that worked out too.

So that’s how the week has gone. It has been a bit rough thanks to that virus but I am over it now with the exception of still feeling a little weak. I have not been posting updates due to feeling so bad but this pretty much sums it all up. Thanks to everyone checking in and the positive comments and countless prayers.  I am posting this and then going back to my room to get ready for bed. We have to get up awful early to get to that heart cath tomorrow and those who know me know that I don’t do mornings well. I run into walls and don’t make ANY big decisions for my safety and the safety of others. Ha ha. Good night all. 

I'm going to Hollywood!! And by Hollywood I mean back to Duke.

My plans for Friday was to head to Haywood county to see mom (who had a birthday Thursday) and dad. On the way I was going to stop and see my sister (who had a birthday today), my brother in law and that sweet little niece of mine. Well, plans had changed. Mom was really bad sick with that virus and I was not about to go there so I still went to spend the day with Margie and Presley and see Jason that evening. As you know, I was waiting to hear from Duke about returning for more testing. Well, I was traveling down I-26 and got to thinking how bad the reception is at their house. What if they tried to call? I decided to email the transplant coordinator and let her know that I had not heard yet and see if she could go ahead and call me. I was still about 45 minutes from Fletcher and she could call before I lost signal. So I pull over (way off the road over on the bank because I hate being right next to that traffic whipping by at 80mph) and just as I am reaching into the console to get my phone it begins to ring. Caller ID reads "Lauren Rich" which is the coordinator I was waiting to hear from. I get that feeling that I want to hear what she says but if it is bad I would rather not answer. Honestly I was almost positive they would say, you are in too good of shape to go through a transplant yet. You get around on your own and still work full time, etc. That would crush my hopes of getting off this oxygen and enjoy life so much more. So I answer and she says "We got a whole lot of records on you from all the doctors that have worked with you over the last 8 years and we were able to really get some good detail into what you have been through. You did a good job in getting information to us. We are all in agreement that we would like you to come back for some more testing. This will not be the full evaluation but only lacks a couple tests of being everything." She said that there were a couple tests that are not normally done but I am a rare enough case that these are most necessary to have a successful transplant. Also they would like me to loose 20 to 30 pounds. Now, I DO have a lil bit of a gut, but the last time I was that small I was so weak that I had trouble squatting down and standing back up. I weigh about 195 now and think 180 is fine, maybe even 175, but that last 10 pounds will be tough. I already have no butt so I hope it will leave me what I do have left. Well, I have said this whole time. You gotta man up and do what you gotta do. Sure am gonna miss them hot dogs and cheese burgers. I heard a preacher say once in a sermon about letting go, that sometimes you have to let go of one gift from God to free your hands to accept another. In my left hand there is a hot dog and in my right a cheese burger. I need to drop them so God can hand me a left lung and a right lung. Ha ha. Seriously it will be tough when you are so limited to how much you can exercise. That means I will have to be that much stricter on what goes in. Anyway, she went on to say that they would be contacting me to give me the schedules for the testing. I would be there around March 9th and they would be doing some more intense procedures than the last time such as the heart cath.  It would take 2 to 3 days for all of this. Also due to the severe scaring in my lungs they would need to do a little extra like a chest MRI to assess the damage more clearly.  So I guess this is my golden ticket to the next round. I got a yes from all the judges including that last doctor that was so negative. I guess every group has to have it's Simon. Funny thing is that I did not detect even the slightest British accent.

Second Day of Testing & Summary

On the second day of the testing, it was more like a day of meetings. I first met with the medical psychologist. Basically the goal there is to make sure I have the right mindset to take this on. If I am 100% sure that I am ready to do this. I am in good psychological standing. Not depressed or suicidal or even aware how serious this situation is. The guy I met with was good. Asked a lot of questions and the whole time I was there, I never heard a peep out of the 11 people living in my head and had no urge to stand on my head and quote the Gettysburg Address. Ha ha. I thought I would insert my own joke before I got a bunch of comments on how much he must have found wrong with me.
The next person was the financial coordinator. She was straight up business and was very knowledgeable. Above that she was very helpful to help you wrap your head around what all this could potentially cost and ways to help save. Not too much to say there. Just a lot of figures talk that made a whole lot of cents! Get it? Cents as apposed to sense. Ha ha. I am on a roll today.
Ok, we got out of there at about 2:15pm and went up to see the doctor. My appointment was at 4pm but I am hoping that they may get to see me early. So much for that. The clinic was about one hour behind. I was not seen until about 5:30pm. After a nice nap in a chair using a fleece pullover as a pillow I was brought back to see Dr. Snyder. This ended the day on a sour note. She was very direct and overall negative. Stating that there are a lot of other things they need to look at with me. Since I have had another donor transplant in my life (my stemcell transplant from when I had cancer) it was a concern to how those cells would react. The fact that I am a someone who has had cancer, even though it has been gone for 8 years is still a concern. A few other odd things about my blood counts brought some concern. These were things that have been like that for years since I beat cancer but none the less, she wants more testing done for sure if we go to the next level. This doctor seemed to only focus on the negative things that can happen. It seemed like I was pointing out the pros and she was just one big bag of cons. I guess she just wants me to be aware of what can happen. Problem is, I am all too aware of what can happen. Anything can happen from not making it through the surgery to restoring a quality to my life that is not possible while I have to use oxygen. I understand that I am a risky case but thats why I am at Duke. They do the risky transplants that other places wont take on. That may not be her true feelings and I may have read her wrong but I definitely got a negative vibe from her.
She is not the only one to make the decision. The whole group meets on Tuesdays to discuss all of our cases. I will be contacted by next Friday (Feb 19th) to be told if they want me to come down for the second round of testing. That will be a three day stay and will be more extensive. Heart catheterization, bronchoscopy, and stuff like that. Until then it is a wait.

Day One of Testing

Well this day started at 6:30AM and my first appointment was an orientation class at 8AM with the transplant coordinators. This lasted until about twenty minutes after nine. They covered a LOT of info. They told us what to expect and what was expected of us. After all there is no point in putting new lungs into someone that will not take care of them and is not willing to do what it takes to bounce back. We learned how people were selected and of all the channels of support we would have throughout. Very good information.
After that we headed upstairs to meet with the social worker who asked a lot about my health history since Cancer. She was already sitting down so I just started from the beginning. Then she asked my care givers a ton of questions. She will be giving her info to the doctors to go into making the right decisions for candidates. Then I was sent for a pulmonary function test, a blood gas reading and 6 minute walk. First they did the blood gas reading. They take a needle and go into the artery in your wrist and draw from there. It is more painful than an IV but not too bad really. I did not have a good reaction for some reason. Either because of my overall oxygen levels, the fact that I had not eat much at all, anxiety or a combination of all. I was right on the verge of passing out. It felt like an hour and a half but I am sure it was only a few minutes. I was sick feeling, had cold sweets and was burning up. I wanted to lay down but she would not let me. I felt better after about 4 cups of water. She was talking to me but I just starred at her and was really slow to respond. Ok that was the bad part of the day. Then because I am such a hard stick she informed me that someone else was coming to do it again. Imagine my excitement. I did not have that same reaction on the second one. Then we did the pulmonary function test which is a series of tests that you are in this booth breathing into an apparatus in several various ways. It measures capacities and such...so I did just like someone with trashed lungs does...bad.
Then the 6 minute walk. This is exactly what it sounds like. You walk for at least 1000 feet (if you can) as fast as you can. They have all these sensors on you to measure your heart rate and oxygen levels. As the oxygen levels fall they crank up the rate going through the tubes in your nose. Mine sounded like an air compressor by the end so I am sure it was up there but I actually went 1300 feet. And yes it kicked my butt. Took me a while to catch my breath. Then it was to get blood labs done. They drew 27 tubes of that stuff. I guess they will know a lot from all that. After that it was a simple chest X-Ray and I was done. We ate at the cafeteria together. David came down and Darlene showed him around as well. She was a great help to the both of us as far as getting around that place. After we ate she and David went to his appointment and mom, dad and I went to the hotel for a much needed nap. After David and Darlene got out they came by the hotel and we went to eat some pizza.
Tomorrow I meat with the Psychiatrist at 11:30AM then the financial coordinator at 1:00PM and then see the doctor at 4:00PM.. This means that it will be a late trip back. I hear that they are usually running late and it will most likely be a long appointment. We wont get back to the Mountains until pretty late Tuesday night.
Check back for more latter on how day two went. Day one down...many to go.
God, you keep shinning the light on the path and I will surely walk it.  

I Have Arrived

Well I am here. Raleigh, NC where I may be spending a lot more time in the future. That is if the doctors don't find any reason that this can not be done. I have prayed extensively about this and I keep getting the same message. To go on with this. He has opened the doors by bringing two people into my life that have been a big help so far. These are two people that have been where I am not too long ago. There names are David and Darlene. Darlene rode down with me and my parents and since she is familiar with everything, has shown us around the area a directed us so that things go as smooth as possible. It is amazing how God brings people into our lives just when we need them. This works in both ways. It is easy to see your benefit from having someone in your life but it is a fact that they can learn from you too. These two have been a great help, I just hope I can be the same for them somehow. If not now, maybe later. I continue to have a huge amount of peace and even though there are a lot of horror stories associated with these lung transplants there are a lot of great successes. I feel too confident in my faith and this overwhelming peace. Only something like this can come from God.
Tomorrow looks like just getting the ball started with the case worker, financial person and the psychologist. Basically I think they want to know if (1) they are gonna get paid (2) I am willing to put my body through this and (3) I am not on the edge of being crazy already. I know the answer to all three but they can't take my word for it. Smart comments on number three are not needed...thanks!  Ha ha.
My aunt shared something with me that I thought about the other day. She read this on a church sign and it is very applicable to my situation. "Faith does not make things easy, only possible". Thanks Wanda.

"Pick Me...Pick Me"

I now have an appointment now to be evaluated for my lung transplant. I will be heading down to Raleigh on February 7th and will be at the hospital going through some testing all day on the 8th and 9th. This is very exciting. I am not sure what all they will be doing for those two days but I imagine there is a lot to do to assure the most success as possible. I am willing to do whatever it takes to get back some of the quality of life that I have lost over the last 9 years. Simple things like walking up steps, moving furniture and washing a car become a near impossible feat.
The last few years have had some really dark times but God continues to carry me through every battle I face. I really cant shake the feeling that this has all been somewhat of a blessing and only preparing me for the next step. I feel that there are HUGE things in my future that He has planned for my life.
Keeping a positive outlook continues to be the most challenging thing for me to do. I not only pray that all the tests, procedures and physical aspects go well but I remain focused on the end result.
Please remember me on the 8th and 9th that I may get this opportunity for a "second wind" for my life.

No No Michael Jackson...THIS is it!!!

2010 is here and under way. As many of you know I was having to wait until January to get the ball rolling on going down to Duke to be evaluated for this double lung transplant. This is why I have not had any updates in a couple months. Well, contact has been made and the first punch has been thrown in this fight. They are validating my new insurance coverage and I am supposed to be set up with an appointment by the end of the week. This reality is starting to set in a little and to be honest, it is a lot of mixed emotions that I feel. The worse case is that I could not even make it through the surgery. The best is that I go through and live a long life. I feel that God has some big plans for me and after countless prayers I still feel like this is something I have to go do. I have shocked the doctors several times in the last few years and I hope God has one more shock in store for them that has yet to come. I pray that I will continue to face this with the same peace and faith He has given me in the past.
Whatever the outcome of this I can say that I took a leap of faith and went the distance to get my health back. Right now I use oxygen around the clock and honestly I feel like a bird in a cage. I feel like I can't really live like this. I am too young to just settle and even though it is a gamble to get a transplant due to the risks of rejection, if I don't I will be giving up on myself and God. I know He can bring me through this and I will endure what I have to so that he may show up and show out once again. I will start blogging much more now so check back regularly.
2010 is the year I have declared to be my big return. My return to health, life and a sense of normalcy. I have started by changing more in my diet, getting back to some exercise (using one of those big exercise balls and some Power Block dumbbells)  so that I can do some weight training. Its no where near the old days of going to the gym 4 or 5 days a week and mountain biking but it is a start. Who knows, I could be running a marathon in a couple years. Nah....I wouldn't do that if I were perfectly healthy. Ha ha. I think I will stick to the gym with weights and some cardio and mountain biking if all goes well. This is the year. This is the time. THIS IS IT.